he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize