I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
