I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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