Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
