How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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