Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
