I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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