Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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