No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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