after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize