I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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