So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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