i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
