Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
