Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
