My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
this is an emotional support booty call
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
