True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
