I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
