This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We are two peas in an std pod
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
