At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
