toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
