Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
