a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
