The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
