Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
