My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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