If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
