Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
