I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
