Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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