Hey man sorry I got all grabby
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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