Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
