just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We need to get me chipped asap
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize