Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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