The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
