I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
