You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
