Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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