my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
