Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
