I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize