I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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