i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
