Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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