you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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