We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
