I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
