Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
