he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
