Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
