I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
