i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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