I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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