don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
