Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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