I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
