Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
