am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
