You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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