I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
