So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
