remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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