We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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