i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
