he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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