Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
